“Oh He died.. He died!"
"How did He die..?"
W-w-ell! *shrugs! Would get back to this story in a bit.
We are humans caught up in this World of comparison. We most times forget that we came to this world alone. We live life as though our peers are the universal standard of behavior.
FICTIONAL NARRATIVE.
Jane had a boyfriend called Mike, He was a therapist, he earned just a little to go by. Jane was very dissatisfied with his earnings. She was a sociable girl and moved with ladies that were showy of their wealth; majorly gotten from their boyfriends. Mike, with his financial capability, couldn’t afford to spoil her to her hearts content, unlike her friends, so that got her intimidated, she lashed back to Mike and threatened to leave him if he can’t so much as buy her the luxuries of life. Mike couldn’t believe his ears. Jane seemed to be under the influence of the indirect pressures she got from her friends, because the last time He checked, Jane was crazily in love with him and he likewise. How could she have gone this far as to bring a threat to something they cherish that much? That got him in deep thought. He expected Jane to be more understanding of his financial capability and know just what to expect, but Jane seemed not to care. This got him both confused and scared.
Jane repeated same threat to him over and over as she was sick of being with a broke guy. Mike being really in love with Jane sought for ways to please her and buy all the luxuries she so desires. After spending so much time almost depressed with the situation he found himself, He decided to take the bull by the horn, this he did by scouting for some of his friends in his Facebook contacts that seems to be doing pretty well themselves, after rigorous search, his friend from high school; Sam, caught his fancy. After all arrangements were made, He set off one cold night to meet Sam who was to indoctrinate him into his method of making money as he was frustratingly intimidated with Jane’s recurring bother. He eventually got to Sam’s place. After a short while of catching up and having some fun time, it was time for the revelation of how Sam got so rich. To that effect, Sam handed him a gun.
Mike’s jaw dropped. Sam was a robber and wanted Mike to do same to get the money he wants. Mike fidgeted at the thought of having to do something this risky just to remain with Jane, but he couldn’t think of a way out. He had to choose between Jane and being broke.
Yeah you guessed right, He chose Jane and that led him to take the decision of following Sam to different robbery operations. He finally got the wealth he could and lavished it generously on his heartthrob. Yeah we all expect the story to end in the traditional way 'happily ever after’, well I wished it ended that way as well.
In one of the robbery operations Sam and Mike went for, on their way back, they were chased by the police, Sam being the driver, drove really recklessly and super fast in a bid to escape, suddenly, they rammed the car into a parked truck and both died. Ouch!
Hey, come closer let me chip this in, I especially like gossip. Lol! I heard that Jane later got a new boyfriend 2 months after Mike’s death. Waoooo!
Was that really worth it?
We are all part of a community, we live in a neighborhood, we worship in a place filled with people, we go to school in a place filled with students alike, to mention briefly about the market, grocery stores, clubs etc. We humans are social beings. That is what has caused the pressure about trying to measure up with the societal standards.
It's gotten to the point where keeping up with the Jonesses is a constant expectation. These pressures sometimes are what’s holding you back from our inner peace and satisfaction. You feel at a certain age you should have attained a certain thing in your life, so when you see someone else in your age range achieve similar thing, you start feeling inadequate.
Have you wondered sometimes when you’re online and see posts of your Mates having a time of their life, you’re truly happy for them but there seems to be this void in you, this tiny bit of dissatisfaction and rage about your life in comparatively. You really want to be happy for them, yes I know you really want to, but you just can’t control how you feel somewhat envious of their success that it gets you probably drowned in self pity. You are not alone. Welcome to a company filled with over a billion members.
With all these, the society doesn’t make it any easy for you to survive when you don’t seem to be measuring up. To make matters even worse, your own parent, Siblings, spouse or close friends make it harder when they ever so subtly compare you with your mate that seem to be progressing beyond you.
I feel you bruh. This act strikes the deal of pressure. You're pressured to want to measure up, you're pressured to want to even go beyond the threshold you've so idolized, you're pressured to be loved and respected by all, you're pressured to.... Name it! Now don't get it twisted, this can be a good thing in itself when it motivates you to devise healthy means to be better, but when that pressure gets you into the sea of intimidation, frustration and likely depression, then you, my dear are taking it too far and you're the one I'm writing to. Yes you!
Listen carefully, you really don’t have to please anybody, you are not accountable to anyone but yourself. STOP! life ain’t too difficult. Enjoy life, enjoy peace, enjoy sanity, live life on your pace, you’re the one to set the narrative and not some peer or societal expectation.
"You're almost 40 and still living with your parent, you're such a loser."
"Oh you're still not married, look at Madona she's on a trip to Paris with her husband and 2 kids enjoying their lives and she's even two years younger than you."
"I wonder when you are going to get your car 🚙, look at your mates they got really 'sick' rides"
"Can't you see your friends, their chiseled body, well packed, nice abs, smart stature" .
" How is it that you failed the exam, look at Mary that passed does she have two brain cells?"
I could go on and on with how society has built a wall of false expectation from us and has imprisoned us to want to act in a certain way. That's ridiculous. Live your life to the fullest. A chicken lays a number of eggs in one day, but they all don’t hatch on the same day. We are all plying different course in life, don't let the achievement of your seeming peer make you feel less than.
"Strive to be a better you and not to be a better version of your mate."
All you are in competition with is YOURSELF, life is a race track but you are the only one on the track. In our fictional story above, Jane was pressured by the standard set by her friends, this led her to mount more unhealthy pressures on her boyfriend Mike, which subsequently led him to his doom. They both accepted the pressures and acted negatively on it.
This is an analysis of how we allow pressures lead us to take some unnecessary detrimental actions. Read my blog on life Audit. Societal pressures definitely would come, you may want to ask "Phayvee, so what do i do when these pressures hurls itself at me?"
Breathe!
Yeah I said that, Take a deep breath. Then reiterate to yourself that you are the only person on the race track. All you need to strive for is to be a better YOU.
OK, Phayvee I hear you, so what do we do to those intrusive family members or friends that try to drown us in comparison to their set societal standard?"Speak out loud to yourself that you’re not in a competition with anybody.
This is a simple, yet very crucial Exercise. You have to fully realize the truth in this act be fore the confession can be effective. When you have come to that mental satisfaction of it being true, then boldly speak it out “I am not in any competition with anybody, I’m in my own race track, I Would fulfil and achieve things in my own time. I would strive to be a better me, and not a better Mr A.
Make peace with yourself.
When you have gotten to that stance where you have come to full realization that you’re not in competition with nobody, then that Peace that wells up in you would make you not to give a second thought when such intimidating comment springs up, Because to you its like water off a duck’s back.
You can't go about fighting society for their unrealistic standard they have set, right? The fight has to be from within. Fight for your peace and sanity first and everything falls into place.
Contentment is a gift
Contentment is a gift.
Con...” I feel like saying it the third time for more emphasis, but let me not bore you.
While you strive to be better, you should have peace with the place you are at now and not let other people’s progress and hurtful comparison rip you of that peace.
The best person to want to be is yourself, you don’t know what the next person is struggling with, you only see what’s being shown to you but you know not their dark secret tale of their life struggles.
There’s a story that was told me some years ago, a very wealthy man lavished money on people, set unrealistic expectation for his age mate, was greatly admired and envied by his peers. One of his friends (let’s call him Jerry) being inquisitive told the rich man that he wants to be like him. The rich man replied, that he himself envies this his friend(Jerry) and wishes to be like him as well. Jerry was totally confused, how can a stinkingly rich man envy a poor man like him. The rich man interrupted Jerry’s thought by lifting off the cap from his own head. Jerry was beyond flabbergasted to behold what looked like a rotten scalp on this rich man’s head. The rich man confessed to him that he is going to keep wearing a hat all his life, that a part of his skull was taken in a bid to get him those riches.
He was being admired, people set him as a standard and did things to beat him at his game, not knowing of his diabolic ways of acquiring such wealth which led to his suffering. Always remember that you are in competition only with yourself.
There’s no laid down general map of life that shows what you should have achieved at a certain age. We all have our own specific maps. Be truly happy for your friends that are progressing, for that would help you get off the comparison trap and land you in a place of your own Contentment, Peace and Happiness.
Conclusion
1. You are not in a competition with anybody. Strive to be a better you. Societal pressures ain’t worth it. Don’t be Intimidated by successful peers, your time would come, you too would make it, but before then, make peace with yourself.
2. Let the progress of others motivate you to be better and not to have a pity party.
3. When tempted to feel envy about someone’s progress, remember all the great things that’s going on well in your life.
4. You have just one life to live, don’t spend it living someone’s else’s. LIVE YOURS!
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QUESTION FOR REFLECTION.
1. What’s the impact of societal pressures in your life today.
2. What have you done to work on yourself to create enough resistance against such attacks.?
3. Do you genuinely feel happy when your peers succeed over you
GIVEAWAY: Word for Today
Glamorize: To make something bad appear more attractive or exciting.
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Have a Blast!
